dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
