i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
