There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
