hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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