I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
