i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
