i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
