Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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