Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
