people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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