I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
