Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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