We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
