I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
