This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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