He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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