The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
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I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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