Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
