My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
