I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
