my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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