I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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