I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
