how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
