My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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