sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
