Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
