Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i think i just lost a toe
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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