this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
