I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
