That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
