I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
