I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
