Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize