3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
