U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
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Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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