Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
