So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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