I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
