He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
