i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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