Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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