I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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