Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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