I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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