Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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