Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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