So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
