You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
