I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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