He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
