Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
