I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
