i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Who died my cat blue again?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
