Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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