seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
