Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
