Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
