i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
