I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
