is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
