I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
